Sound! Art museums can be much too quiet. It's like going to a restaurant where there are only old people talking quietly; they can't be having much fun. So there should be music playing in the background, either from speakers or live performers. And even better, what about making the choice of music interactive, so that museum goers can click on their phones to choose the music they want to hear to go with the painting they are looking at. You want Taylor Swift to go with your Rembrandt? Go for it. Or sound effects. Imagine looking at the famous painting of George Washington crossing the Delaware and hearing the sounds of oars creaking as Washington exhorts his troops. That would make the painting really come alive! (I confess that inspiration for this idea came from the director at the Metropolitan Opera who added sound effects to Bartok's "Bluebeard's Castle".)
Frames! Why do all these paintings have to have the same old over-ornate gold frames. Why not put the paintings in new frames that help the viewer engage with the painting. The frames could have interactive LCD's embedded in them with information about the painting, or commentary from other artists, or even live display of tweets from museum goers as they look at the paintings. Or you could commission new frames from artists who wish to comment on the work at hand. And they could even be paid for by selling space in the frames to advertisers.
And what about all those old statues from Greece and Rome, all in marble. We now think that the Greeks liked to paint them in bright colors. So why not get rid of that old boring colorless marble and repaint them in bright colors. And repair all those broken and missing appendages as well. Who wants to see statues with missing arms?
Shopping! For the North Americans who are used to ambling in shopping malls, the idea of wandering through a public space without retail opportunities could be quite alienating. So instead of putting the gift shop at the end of the exhibit, why not integrate the shopping experience directly into the exhibition rooms, so museum goers don't have to wait until the end to buy. So with a room full of Matisse paintings, there could be a little retail stand selling Matisse t-shirts, dishtowels, etc. And why stop there? What about bringing in outside retailers? Victoria's Secret in a room full of Reubens nudes? Pottery Barn next to the Greek vases? And, of course, the museum would benefit from the additional income.
And, of course, there is food. I will leave the possibilities to your imagination.
And, borrowing an idea from the enterprising Miller Theater ( Canine Composers) , you could make museums more pet friendly. So many people are out walking their dogs and are turned off by museums because they don't allow pets; so why not allow people to bring their dogs in? More people would come, especially if you didn't charge too much for admission for dogs. And, in case of any "accidents", the museum guards could be deployed to clean up the mess. Though you would certainly want to be careful with any sculptures displayed at floor level. Though the best idea would be to have dog-friendly interactive shows, like an exhibit of fire hydrants from different eras.
So really, art museums should get with the flow, and get in to the spirit of 21st century art marketing.
In related news, the government of British Columbia today celebrated a new milestone in their program to divest British Columbia of elite cultural institutions. Following a poll which showed that British Columbians would rather go to a sports event than a cultural event, the government has embarked on a plan to convert cultural facilities into sports facilities. So today the government celebrated the completion of the conversion of the famous Queen Victoria Concert Hall in downtown Vancouver into the Queen Victoria Basketball Arena.
The Premier noted in her introductory remarks that the hall would no longer require government money; and would soon be making a profit for the government. She did not, however, address the question of who would play in the arena, since there are no professional basketball teams in Vancouver.
Update: I wrote this modest satire about art museums a few months ago. Today I learned that the National Gallery in London has actually added soundscapes to paintings in a special exhibit.
http://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/soundscapes
And the Guardian's reaction:
http://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2015/jul/06/soundscapes-national-gallery-review-pointless-soundtracks-jamie-xx
Luckily, I can take no credit for this show, it was obviously conceived before I wrote my blog. But I'm worried!
